The Next Thing
Apr. 18th, 2018 05:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mama_kestrelI sent a text message earlier, as I'm still bubbling from the weekend. It said simply "My girl's home. SQUEEE!" I got hearts back. Then the phone rang.
"Mama, are you sitting down?"
"Yeah, what's up sweetie?"
"Um, er, don't be upset..."
"When was the last time I got mad?"
"Um...when I didn't tell you B was hitting me?"
"Right. And then I was mad at him, not at you. So stop worrying. What is it?"
"Um...not your girl. Your boy. I'm trans."
"Oh, okay. So...my son's home! Squeeee!"
Silence. Then "That's it?"
"Not quite. Love you. Be patient while I retrain my speech patterns. Let me know when you want to do a legal name change."
"Love you, Mama." It was barely a whisper. I think he was crying.
I called his older sister. And indeed, I had guessed correctly. He'd told his birth mom, and it had not gone well. I know his birth mother is mentally ill (seriously, diagnosed), but that doesn't excuse the damage she has done and continues to do. We agreed sometime ago that it would be best if I never met the woman under uncontrolled circumstances, lest I tell her in no uncertain terms what I think. Words are my principal weapon, and I'm not sure I'd manage to nerf the blows.
Annnd...I've just gone back through and corrected about half my pronouns. So that's my next project. No big deal. It's in the Mama contract, right?
"Mama, are you sitting down?"
"Yeah, what's up sweetie?"
"Um, er, don't be upset..."
"When was the last time I got mad?"
"Um...when I didn't tell you B was hitting me?"
"Right. And then I was mad at him, not at you. So stop worrying. What is it?"
"Um...not your girl. Your boy. I'm trans."
"Oh, okay. So...my son's home! Squeeee!"
Silence. Then "That's it?"
"Not quite. Love you. Be patient while I retrain my speech patterns. Let me know when you want to do a legal name change."
"Love you, Mama." It was barely a whisper. I think he was crying.
I called his older sister. And indeed, I had guessed correctly. He'd told his birth mom, and it had not gone well. I know his birth mother is mentally ill (seriously, diagnosed), but that doesn't excuse the damage she has done and continues to do. We agreed sometime ago that it would be best if I never met the woman under uncontrolled circumstances, lest I tell her in no uncertain terms what I think. Words are my principal weapon, and I'm not sure I'd manage to nerf the blows.
Annnd...I've just gone back through and corrected about half my pronouns. So that's my next project. No big deal. It's in the Mama contract, right?
no subject
Date: 2018-04-19 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-04-19 02:44 am (UTC)But really, I guess this may be my mental quirk? I honestly do not understand why it should be a big deal. K is K. K is my kid, the child of my heart. Male or female in spirit, in body, matched or one in spirit and other in body - all of that is secondary. I couldn't love him more if he were my own child born, (which I've told him more than once), so why would I get hung up on pronouns?!? The essence of the person has not changed.
I admit I'm not sure how to tell a story that starts out "when my son was a bridesmaid...." :) But we'll figure it out!
no subject
Date: 2018-04-22 06:03 am (UTC)Because most people, the vast majority I guess, don't take these things 1% as easily as you did here.
no subject
Date: 2018-04-24 11:12 pm (UTC)«I couldn't love him more if he were my own child born, (which I've told him more than once), so why would I get hung up on pronouns?!?»
Perfectly reasonable, heartful, znc XXX ((( OOPS TRYING TO GET CAT OUT FROM IN FRONT OF LAPTOP... NOW SHE'S ON MY WRISTS ))) and feels to me exactly what haShem would want of us. Most people aren't, though, and your attitude is a welcome relief.