The Next Thing

[mama_kestrel]

I sent a text message earlier, as I'm still bubbling from the weekend. It said simply "My girl's home. SQUEEE!" I got hearts back. Then the phone rang.

"Mama, are you sitting down?"

"Yeah, what's up sweetie?"

"Um, er, don't be upset..."

"When was the last time I got mad?"

"Um...when I didn't tell you B was hitting me?"

"Right. And then I was mad at him, not at you. So stop worrying. What is it?"

"Um...not your girl. Your boy. I'm trans."

"Oh, okay. So...my son's home! Squeeee!"

Silence. Then "That's it?"

"Not quite. Love you. Be patient while I retrain my speech patterns. Let me know when you want to do a legal name change."

"Love you, Mama." It was barely a whisper. I think he was crying.

I called his older sister. And indeed, I had guessed correctly. He'd told his birth mom, and it had not gone well. I know his birth mother is mentally ill (seriously, diagnosed), but that doesn't excuse the damage she has done and continues to do. We agreed sometime ago that it would be best if I never met the woman under uncontrolled circumstances, lest I tell her in no uncertain terms what I think. Words are my principal weapon, and I'm not sure I'd manage to nerf the blows.

Annnd...I've just gone back through and corrected about half my pronouns. So that's my next project. No big deal. It's in the Mama contract, right?

Comments

Mazel Tov!

[dialecticdreamer]

Your news had me crying happy tears.

Congratulations on your beautiful son!

Tell him that a random internet stranger wishes him the very best. (Laugh) And then hug him again.

Re: Mazel Tov!

[mama_kestrel]

*laugh* I'll relay the message happily. Hugs get delivered at random, whenever the opportunity presents itself or can be created. :P

But you aren't a random internet stranger. You're a friend of mine he's never met. There's a difference. (hugs to you, too.)

Re: Mazel Tov!

[dialecticdreamer]

Thank you!

Does he plan to change name and gender on legal documents, or is it still to early to make those plans?

Re: Mazel Tov!

[mama_kestrel]

Name change is definite. Legal name is bog-standard American Fem, was used abusively by the Ex, and is past hated and into triggering. SCA name, on the other hand, is Irish, already neutral-shading-male, and is what everyone has been calling him for a 15 years in all contexts (including mundane work) anyway.

Changing gender on legal documents, at least in Indiana, requires first jumping through a great many medical hoops for documentation. He hasn't decided if he's going to do that yet. If he so chooses down the line, then we'll take care of the paperwork then - but the name change needs to happen, and sooner rather than later.

Re: Mazel Tov!

[dialecticdreamer]

First the name Roan, then Sean, popped into my head. I'm certain that whatever it is, it's a better fit for his personality than the one on the birth certificate!

Re: Mazel Tov!

[mama_kestrel]

Neither Roan nor Sean, and I want permission before putting it on the internet. But the nickname I used to use was "Tochterle" - Yiddish diminutive for daughter. Sometime in the past few years I had switched it to "Firechild", which is an almost direct translation of the name chosen. Now I know why.

Re: Mazel Tov!

[dialecticdreamer]

Oh, I wasn't asking. I was laughing at how fast my brain kicked those names out for inspection!

He's a firechild, no matter what his name is at the moment.

You've got great kids, you know that?

Re: Mazel Tov!

[mama_kestrel]

>>You've got great kids, you know that?<<

*Grin* I sure do! And I'm so honored that I'm still their Mama by their choice. My only official, legal child is 20; the youngest of my fosterlings is 30, the eldest 42. And every one of them is amazing.

I'm really lucky.

[alatefeline]

Congratulations to your son for taking the big step of coming out to family. MAJOR kudos to you for handling this well, and *hissssss* at his other relative for handling this badly.

<3 <3 <3

[thnidu]

Beautiful handling!!!!!! If I could exponentiate exclamation points without altogether too much trouble on this phone, I would.

[mama_kestrel]

Thank you! That means a lot.

But really, I guess this may be my mental quirk? I honestly do not understand why it should be a big deal. K is K. K is my kid, the child of my heart. Male or female in spirit, in body, matched or one in spirit and other in body - all of that is secondary. I couldn't love him more if he were my own child born, (which I've told him more than once), so why would I get hung up on pronouns?!? The essence of the person has not changed.

I admit I'm not sure how to tell a story that starts out "when my son was a bridesmaid...." :) But we'll figure it out!

[thnidu]

«I honestly do not understand why it should be a big deal.»

Because most people, the vast majority I guess, don't take these things 1% as easily as you did here.

[thnidu]

(Catching up, and I forgot I'd already replied to this. But this is me, too.)

«I couldn't love him more if he were my own child born, (which I've told him more than once), so why would I get hung up on pronouns?!?»

Perfectly reasonable, heartful, znc XXX ((( OOPS TRYING TO GET CAT OUT FROM IN FRONT OF LAPTOP... NOW SHE'S ON MY WRISTS ))) and feels to me exactly what haShem would want of us. Most people aren't, though, and your attitude is a welcome relief.

[conuly]

I'm sad his birth mother wasn't able to respond appropriately, but it's good that he felt safe telling you even after that.