Little Things

[mama_kestrel]

My husband's family name is Deer. My mother in law delighted in collecting the deer-themed things that abound around midwinter. So while looking for fleece to make my mom a sleeved blanket, I spotted some holiday cotton fabric printed with deer and snowflakes that mother-in-law would have absolutely adored. First thought: get enough for a throw and pillow, fleece to coordinate, and assemble for midwinter gift. Second thought: does it go with the couch? Followed an instant later by: oh, right. She's gone.

And then this.

LITTLE THINGS

One hears of loss
In terms of gaping holes,
As if boulders had crashed
Through mourner’s hearts
Leaving only shards behind,
And I suppose
For some
That is the nature
Of grief.

No one talks about
The small snags
That catch your breath,
Stopping your heart
Just for an instant.
They’re too small
To be worth mentioning.

But they’re the ones
That don’t end,
That come unawares.
The expected call -
“What does he want
For his birthday?”
I know what he wants,
But the phone will not ring.

The holiday fabric
Printed with deer and snowflakes
That you would love,
So that I immediately think
To make a throw pillow for your couch,
Pausing to remember if the colors are right
Before memory moves on -
The couch is gone.
The apartment is gone.
And so are you.

“He has a girlfriend!
“She’s auditioning hard
“For the role of daughter-in-law.
“She’s good for him.”
I want your level head and good sense,
You navigated this territory
With such grace
When I was the girlfriend.
But I can’t ask you.

Little things, all of them.
Small sharp thorns
Of memory or needed wisdom,
Drawing only
A tiny drop
Of blood.

No boulders have crashed through here,
No splintered wrack and ruin.
Just a brief flash
Of quiet grief,
Sharp and fine as a pin,
And too small
To be worth mentioning.

Comments

[thnidu]

❤ Hugs offered ❤

[mama_kestrel]

And gratefully accepted.

Wow!

[ysabetwordsmith]

This is one of the best grief poems I have read.

Re: Wow!

[mama_kestrel]

Thank you. That means all the more coming from another poet.

[elinox]

Going through a recent, very hard loss myself, this hits very close to home. The memories and grief creep in between heartbeats.

Thank you for this.

[mama_kestrel]

I’m glad it helps.

[technoshaman]

oh, Mama.... *HUGS* it's ALWAYS the little things, uplifting or poignant, that can make or break a day, a lifetime... sometimes it's something as simple as a single mouseclick from halfway around the world... or, as you said, knowing that that will never happen again this life...

I think we're *all* crying.

[stardreamer]

Yes. This.

Even for pets. It took me nearly a year to stop looking for Genevieve in her accustomed spot at the foot of the bed, and every time she wasn't there, it was another pang.

[mama_kestrel]

Of course pets. Anyone or anything we love.

Perfect

[mashfanficchick]

This is exactly what it’s like. Thank you for your beautiful, accurate description. And, my condolences; though I don’t know how long it’s been since your MIL passed, I do know that the length of time isn’t always what matters most in the process.

[mdlbear]

Hauntingly familiar. *hugs*