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Feb. 9th, 2023 06:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mama_kestrelMy uncle D - my mom's best friend's husband - has left this earth.
My friend V called the other day to say that her dad wasn't doing well. He'd had a fall, broken his arm, and then been combative about rehab. Uncle D. combative is just totally out of character, which was why she was worried. She wanted her dad to go to the hospital. Her mom, Aunt J., was convinced if he went to the hospital it would be to die, but agreed to let V take him yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon he had a massive stroke. When the CT scan came back, half his brain was mush. So they disconnected the machinery, and he was gone a few minutes later. I suspect his spirit had already left.
Uncle D and Aunt J were the people I modeled myself on consciously, when I figured out at about age 12 that the dynamic in my family wasn't healthy or normal. Mom sent me to stay with them for the summer that year, and it was a revelation. Logic worked. Nobody screamed at anybody. They argued, sure, but they didn't raise their voices. They respected each other. And on and on. D was the quiet strength that everyone counted on. He didn't say a lot, but it was always worth paying attention to. He was very affectionate with his wife and kids, which included me, and shared in the child-rearing, which was not the standard in the 1960s. J was the general, keeping everything organized, but D was right there with her. I still don't think I could have chosen better role models.
There won't be a funeral; Aunt J doesn't want one. I'd be going if there was one, 7 hour drive be damned. If anyone deserved my respect, it was he. I'll try to turn this into something more eloquent to send to Aunt J when I can. But right now? I'm having a hard time picturing a world that doesn't have him in it. Nothing to Aunt J, who was married to him for 63 years, or his kids, but I will miss him dearly.
Fair winds and following seas, Uncle D. I love you.
My friend V called the other day to say that her dad wasn't doing well. He'd had a fall, broken his arm, and then been combative about rehab. Uncle D. combative is just totally out of character, which was why she was worried. She wanted her dad to go to the hospital. Her mom, Aunt J., was convinced if he went to the hospital it would be to die, but agreed to let V take him yesterday morning. Yesterday afternoon he had a massive stroke. When the CT scan came back, half his brain was mush. So they disconnected the machinery, and he was gone a few minutes later. I suspect his spirit had already left.
Uncle D and Aunt J were the people I modeled myself on consciously, when I figured out at about age 12 that the dynamic in my family wasn't healthy or normal. Mom sent me to stay with them for the summer that year, and it was a revelation. Logic worked. Nobody screamed at anybody. They argued, sure, but they didn't raise their voices. They respected each other. And on and on. D was the quiet strength that everyone counted on. He didn't say a lot, but it was always worth paying attention to. He was very affectionate with his wife and kids, which included me, and shared in the child-rearing, which was not the standard in the 1960s. J was the general, keeping everything organized, but D was right there with her. I still don't think I could have chosen better role models.
There won't be a funeral; Aunt J doesn't want one. I'd be going if there was one, 7 hour drive be damned. If anyone deserved my respect, it was he. I'll try to turn this into something more eloquent to send to Aunt J when I can. But right now? I'm having a hard time picturing a world that doesn't have him in it. Nothing to Aunt J, who was married to him for 63 years, or his kids, but I will miss him dearly.
Fair winds and following seas, Uncle D. I love you.
