mama_kestrel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mama_kestrel) wrote2021-01-28 08:43 pm
mama_kestrel) wrote2021-01-28 08:43 pm
Entry tags:
Still On the Planet
Just barely. One more thing, and I may spin fast enough to achieve escape velocity. You have been warned.
Back at the end of November, my mom fell. She didn't break her hip, but she was in enough pain that the EMTs thought she had. I had called emergency services to get her up when we couldn't, and they called an ambulance less than 3 minutes after they arrived. I knew she was in bad shape when she wasn't mortified to be found on the floor in her underwear with her pants in her hand.
So off she went to the hospital, which at that point was in the midst of a Covid overload. They let me stay with her in the ER until they decided to admit her, at which point they kicked me out because no visitors were permitted. But they had the important information, and I had put together a packet of information which included a sheet headed "Patient has dementia. Information provided will be both incomplete and unreliable. For anything other than current pain level, call patient's daughter" - with my name and phone number. And I will give them credit - they did.
They found that her hip was bruised, but not broken, but that she also had an infection and dehydration and that her kidneys were quite unhappy with her. She was there for 10 days altogether, and I'm grateful that she came out without her own case of Covid.
Second week of December she went to rehab, so weak that she couldn't sit up without help. I knew exactly where to send her, having used the same place last time she needed rehab, and fortunately they had an open room when we needed one.
That's where she's been ever since. I haven't seen her since the day she was transferred, when I happened to be dropping off things she would need at the exact same time she arrived. She's doing a whole lot better now; she can walk with a walker, and sit up all day. But she can't get herself up to a standing position by herself, and has basically gotten stuck at that point. So now they're saying she can't safely come home, and that I need to choose a nursing home for her.
Which is complicated beyond belief by Covid. How am I supposed to judge a care facility when I can't set foot in the door? I look at a lot of things - does it smell good? Are people sitting around staring vacantly into space, or are they busy and engaged? Is it full of light, or institutionally drab? Does the staff look friendly, or just harried? Do the rooms themselves have good windows? Mom's an artist; the quickest way to make her give up on living is to deprive her of windows.
So that's where I am. This being the U.S., which is wealthy and totally uncivilized, I have to spend what savings she has to qualify her for Medicaid. So today I arranged her funeral in advance, and tomorrow I go to sign the paperwork for that and write a check. There isn't much else I can do; anything she gives as a gift in excess of her normal patterns we would have to repay, as there is a 5 year look-back to recover transferred assets. I am also appealing the determination that she can't recover enough to come home, and have a friend with appropriate training coming Saturday to tell us how to make the house work for mom, so that maybe I can bring her home after all. And it all has to be done in the next 9 days.
When this is over, I'm going to have a nice breakdown. I worked for it, I earned it, and nobody is going to deprive me of it!
Back at the end of November, my mom fell. She didn't break her hip, but she was in enough pain that the EMTs thought she had. I had called emergency services to get her up when we couldn't, and they called an ambulance less than 3 minutes after they arrived. I knew she was in bad shape when she wasn't mortified to be found on the floor in her underwear with her pants in her hand.
So off she went to the hospital, which at that point was in the midst of a Covid overload. They let me stay with her in the ER until they decided to admit her, at which point they kicked me out because no visitors were permitted. But they had the important information, and I had put together a packet of information which included a sheet headed "Patient has dementia. Information provided will be both incomplete and unreliable. For anything other than current pain level, call patient's daughter" - with my name and phone number. And I will give them credit - they did.
They found that her hip was bruised, but not broken, but that she also had an infection and dehydration and that her kidneys were quite unhappy with her. She was there for 10 days altogether, and I'm grateful that she came out without her own case of Covid.
Second week of December she went to rehab, so weak that she couldn't sit up without help. I knew exactly where to send her, having used the same place last time she needed rehab, and fortunately they had an open room when we needed one.
That's where she's been ever since. I haven't seen her since the day she was transferred, when I happened to be dropping off things she would need at the exact same time she arrived. She's doing a whole lot better now; she can walk with a walker, and sit up all day. But she can't get herself up to a standing position by herself, and has basically gotten stuck at that point. So now they're saying she can't safely come home, and that I need to choose a nursing home for her.
Which is complicated beyond belief by Covid. How am I supposed to judge a care facility when I can't set foot in the door? I look at a lot of things - does it smell good? Are people sitting around staring vacantly into space, or are they busy and engaged? Is it full of light, or institutionally drab? Does the staff look friendly, or just harried? Do the rooms themselves have good windows? Mom's an artist; the quickest way to make her give up on living is to deprive her of windows.
So that's where I am. This being the U.S., which is wealthy and totally uncivilized, I have to spend what savings she has to qualify her for Medicaid. So today I arranged her funeral in advance, and tomorrow I go to sign the paperwork for that and write a check. There isn't much else I can do; anything she gives as a gift in excess of her normal patterns we would have to repay, as there is a 5 year look-back to recover transferred assets. I am also appealing the determination that she can't recover enough to come home, and have a friend with appropriate training coming Saturday to tell us how to make the house work for mom, so that maybe I can bring her home after all. And it all has to be done in the next 9 days.
When this is over, I'm going to have a nice breakdown. I worked for it, I earned it, and nobody is going to deprive me of it!
HUGS
FINISHED my own courses, only waiting on the graduation certification.
Teenager, after medical problems earlier in school year, worked double or triple time through winter break, and caught up before the half year electives switch. They passed everything we cared about. Culinary Arts was boring, for a kid who could scramble eggs at 4 years old!
Now, MY body is having a flare and I'm wearing a brace to prevent worse pain.
I hope you can make the house work for your mom. Comfortable at home, is often better than safety somewhere else.
HUGS
no subject
I wish I had the means to just go out there and hug you. (It would be nice to see that part of Indiana again, I kinda miss it out there.)
Have good thoughts and 'hope things turn around soon' from all of us here. <3
-T/mel~
no subject